triip :)

It’s such one of my best days this year.

Well, the story begins when he asked for a dating many days before. It’s heard like a joke at first, that’s why I then couldn’t stop smiling at that time. I never took any big attention about it before, in case that I don’t want to be disappointed. But how if you were me, when he asked for once, twice, and so on; wouldn’t you feel like you can see another happiness while the world seems like it’s continually irritating you. That’s exactly what I felt.
And I don’t even know clearly how the opportunity did really realize. All I know is that it wasn’t planned very well, that what I did before was just try not to hope very much while keep praying whether God would give a kind of approval or not. Then God actually blessed. The day came beyond my great consciousness.
From its very beginning, what wrapped me tight was only the feeling of fear and nervous. I needed a long time to pick which dress would seem better since I realized that I’ve left most of my dress at my boarding house. Then I needed a long time to stand in front of the mirror just to check whether my face was in the best condition or not. Well, I can say that the condition feels such a same like my very first dating; it was driving me crazy.
Yah, before we met, those feeling had never left me, they followed my anywhere although I’ve tried to tell myself for many times that ‘everything is gonna be alright’. And those feeling grew bigger and bigger when I saw him from a far. I even once had a stupid thinking to run away and cancel the whole plan, which I realized then that I may regret it for a long time if I did that.
Well, we finally met then (after I went out from my shelter, while a big numbers of drummers were playing on my heart) and stood face to face for a moment. Then we walked and sat together in a car (urban transportation, for clear). Yah, I confess that those feeling were still holding me tight at the beginning. But then the way he touched my hands and held them in his hands melt those feeling away. Happiness started to grow along the way we went together.
I enjoyed each single second in which I was beside him. The way he led my way, the way he guided me along the way, the way he hug my shoulders, and the way he put my hand inside his. Anything.
I then didn’t care (tried not to care actually) whether he only did all those things to me or to any other girls, whether he had any other girls in his mind or not (yes, I’m completely jealous and anxious –although I know that I have no right of that feeling- when he started to hold his phone and messaging with “I don’t know who”, but still I didn’t have any bravery to ask), whether he was really still love me or not, and so on. I didn’t (want to) care. I tried to enjoy the trip, and that’s all.
I was glad that today what we did together was all for the first time for me. We visited the area of “Kota Tua”, visited “Monas”, ate ice cream in “Ragusa” (for this I want to say sorry for one of my friends that has asked me before to go there with all of her desire, that I went there first before and without you :p), and what the most exciting one is when we visited “Katedral”. Whoah, it’s so full of pleasure, you know! And what made me full of happiness for a great long time are the moments when we walked together under the sunshine while keeping hand-in-hand along many long roads, and also the moments when we sat side-by-side (also while keeping hand-in-hand sometimes) on busway. They were the most enjoyable things!
Well, I confess that I kept trying so hard not to hug you tight in my arms, because the desire of hugging you grew so much along the day. (I refused not because I didn’t want to do it’ but what I didn’t want the most is if my feeling then tied again to you; because still I don’t want to fall in love again this time yet, because I’m now still trying to fix my heart after all those horrible pain).
Well, I don’t say that I like all the things in our trip. Still, there were some things which I don’t like from his behavior, the things that reminded me of many painful things in my past (that for once or more I tried so hard to throw them away from my mind along our trip). Yet I didn’t want to take them as big problems since I wanted to make the ‘dating’ as best as I can.

And here today is, one of my best days this year.

Thanks for it, dear.